Not So Secret Journal

Jesus, time flies when you can’t seem to find the light switch!

Last week started off so, well full of hope I suppose but then quickly ran away screaming like a bitch.

Tuesday, saw me taking on yet another challenge, it was Legs, Bums, and Tums Day at the gym, seriously that class is a killer and I’m certain the instructor works for my life insurance company as his aim each week is to make me die a little more. I can definitely hear my fat crying more and more each week. Class over and we are told to keep moving so that’s exactly what I did.  27,000 steps that day and I wasn’t giving up.

Wednesday arrived and man o man, sitting on the toilet was a challenge as my legs hurt so bad, I could have cried and I think I did at least twice that day, and it had very little to do with my legs and glutes hurting. I was missing my “friends” on the socials, I felt sad that I couldn’t message to say “Hi” or see their posts and keep up to date with their lives. Today was supposed to be another session at the gym, but I lost all momentum, I hate feeling sad, so I took my gorgeous nanna to do her shopping a day early, she always knows how to make me feel better, with her scones and worldly advice.

Thursday arrived and I was feeling a little brighter, I had text everyone I wanted to keep up to date with (I don’t have everyone’s numbers) and it was Match day for me and the middle boyo, our passion for all things blue, we had so much hope that our beloved team would fight so hard.  In the 40 years, I’ve been going to the game I have never left a match early, that was until Newcastle decided they wanted to pull down our shorts and make us cry for our mum’s, and that included the players. It called for one thing Maccies on the way home to numb the pain of a 4 – 1 thrashing in our own backyard.

Friday arrived and with two sick middle ones, momma’s day got that little bit longer. I hate it when they’re sick and there’s not much else, I can do but be on hand for cuddles and pain killers. Today I walked a lot, I had my music in my ears to stop me from thinking as my little old brain went into overdrive today.  I was exhausted, emotional, and missing everyone today. This giving up the socials seemed easy at the start but you do start to miss people, and believe me when I return, I will be only keeping those that I have missed.

The long weekend arrived and seemed to leave faster than Linford christie in the Olympics, it didn’t help that we added another one to the sick list. I swear to God, I was being tested passed my limits today, between cleaning, running all over the place and crazy dog walks, I honestly met myself coming back.

Bank holidays, sick days, and strike days my kids have spent more time with me than their teachers this last week, I think I’ll be applying for some form of compensation from the government for all the food they’ve eaten whilst recovering in their sick beds or enjoying extra days off school.

Today, was strike day no 4568 (I’m not kidding), I wish the government would hurry up and pay people what they are worth instead of kids missing out on more and more education. (I’m not being political honest). I spent the day with the youngest and middle boyo’s, whilst juggling dr’s appointments and other bits and bob’s that the day throws this way. Today was a bit brighter, I held the tears in, but I suppose you realise how isolated you are without school runs and people actually checking in.

I know I’m not as isolated as some people, but this has brought it home to me how sad and lonely some people actually are.  I know the socials you don’t actually “see” people, but you can still check in on those who matter. Feeling this alone this week has brought home how alone some people must feel and how sad it makes them.  I’m lucky I have my little family around me, but some people go for days, weeks and months without seeing anyone.  I think it’s the actual interactions that I’m missing the most, I “see” people all the time, school runs, gym time, even in the shops but these people aren’t always friends, and I definitely don’t hold any sort of conversations with them hopefully this phase will pass and I can start to feel brighter as Wednesday approaches.

Take care and I hope you’re all doing, ok?