Not So Secret Journal

I’m reaching out to all of my “in your prime ladies”, or as I like to call myself the “deluded age era”, you know the one, where we think we are at an age that’s younger than we actually are!

My kids like to call it “the not facing up to reality age”, or I’m ignoring the fact that I’m over 35, you get the jist.   

You know who you are, it’s not just me.

I seem to have reached an age where I actually don’t know how to dress!

Well, I know how to get dressed, I should think this was a must at my age, but I’m unsure how I should dress as a 49-year-old.

I mean is there some sort of dress code for people my age?

Does anyone remember Diane Keatings role in Father of the bride (the movie), some of you aren’t old enough to remember the movie, but her character was just 45 years old, WTF!!!!  I actually thought she was playing the part of a 60-year-old from the way she dressed and acted.

I seem to recycle the same outfits daily, ranging from gym leggings and hoodies to more gym leggings and a T-shirt if its warmer.

When I was younger, 50-year-olds (not that I’m even close to 50 yet, see deluded) were actually classed as old, they even acted like they were old.

They dressed in dresses, skirts, blouses and those tan tights, I think the word I’m looking for is they dressed conservatively and for their age.

50-year-olds now a days can wear whatever they want and I’m here for that, but how do I dress in a way that makes me look classy, simple and not like I’m about the hit the gym on a daily basis, my body gives me away constantly, because I don’t look like somebody who spends every day at the gym.

Since losing 4 stone and a bit, (that bit is so important), I seem to have lost the ability to know what suits my new body shape, which is still apparently classed as a potato.

Some people are a triangle, some hourglass, some pear shaped, me I’m definitely potato shaped, I blame the menopause.

Date nights will consist of ripped jeans, which apparently, I’m now too old to wear them, but I’ll be buggered if you think I’m donating them.  I paid £30 for them from H&M 2 years ago, (see I’m even sounding like I’m old).  I’ll pair them with a nice top or a jumper and always trainers, because I can’t walk in heels, not even those tiny ones.

Most days I can honestly say, I look like I’ve just been dragged out of a bin, I don’t have a 10-step beauty routine and I don’t wear makeup ever!

So, I decided I needed some help and I started to follow countless influencers on insta and I honestly don’t know how these girls do it. Everything they wear looks amazing on them.

In a moment of madness, I decided I’d copy a style from one of the ladies, it was a basic Jean’s, jumper and trainers combo, plain and simple (that’s me all over), she made the whole outfit look stunning.

For me and I’m being deadly serious, I looked like I got dressed in the dark, and I felt like I should never be allowed to copy anyone ever again.

How do they do it?

Is it some kind of insta magic?

Do I need to video myself trying on clothes and instantly upload it to insta for it to work?

Or is there a special filter I need to use?

My life would be so much easier if I knew how to dress, or function as a nearly 50-year-old. (I’ve got ages yet but I like to prepare).

In my head I’m still early 30’s, my sense of humour is 19 and my body asks daily if I died recently.

I have two amazing daughters who try and help me, but since I’ve lost weight, I have no idea how to step out of the gym leggings and hoodie combo I seem to have fallen into. It’s like a security blanket.

Someone must be able to help a girl in need here and help me look like I’m a functioning adult and mum that doesn’t only wear leggings and hoodies.

Does anyone know of any courses I can take or influencers that can help this girl out, I can pay in chocolate cake.