Not So Secret Journal

So, this post won’t be the usual sarcastic and witty side you normally see, this post is about the reality of a situation I had to face with zero experience and a whole heap of determination to get it right.

In March, me and our two springers will take on a 100k challenge to raise money for Dementia UK. This means that our doggy walks will be put to good use, and we will be walking our little legs off for a charity that’s super close to my heart.

You see about 4 years ago, we as a family were faced with the words no one wants to hear. My amazing and beautiful grandad was diagnosed with Dementia. It wasn’t an easy path and me being one of his main carers faced this challenge with everything I had.

It all started when my generally active gramps, found a rather large water blister on his leg, after a mad dash to A&E we discovered that he was suffering from Oedema blisters which are quite common in the older generation. This then led to visits to the nurse every other day, with me dressing them on the days in between. Then the district nurse team were involved with his care, this was also when we noticed small changes in his behaviour.

We put it down to him having cabin fever, he couldn’t leave the house as he was unable to walk far. We were fortunate enough to have been able to loan a wheelchair from a family friend and we could sit with him in the garden, but he never wanted to leave the house and didn’t want to be seen in the wheelchair.

He somehow believed it was something to be ashamed of, this once active and sociable man was beginning to fade away. He became irritable and somewhat unreasonable in his behaviour not only shouting at me, but becoming very agitated and frustrated with what was going on around him.

He must have been so scared, not being able to remember the usual stuff, this once giant teddy bear of a man was reduced to this shell. I remember taking him to the doctors for him to have a GPCOG test done to see what memory loss there was. I remember sitting with him and holding his hand whilst he looked so lost. As the GP started the test he was doing ok, he was trying so hard to remember all of the things the Dr had said. As the test progressed, he began to forget more things, the Dr would try and prompt him, but in the end he just couldn’t remember.

I took him home and he was still unsure why the doctors were checking his memory, but I’d told him it was for a general health MOT and everyone had to have one. Speaking to the GP the next day confirmed all of our fears, he had failed the test and was now going to have to have a CT scan and further tests. As all this progressed, his health deteriorated further and this is when his health took a nosedive.

I would get calls at 2 in the morning because he was getting upset because he needed his meds, but he had already taken then he just couldn’t remember, my uncle would stay overnight and I would cook for nan, as she wasn’t coping with the whole situation.

I had to face the reality that I was losing the one man that had been a constant in my life since the day I was born. He had to be admitted to hospital for his own safety once the realisation hit that he had dementia, he couldn’t cope with the situation.

Once in hospital there was a decision made that he needed full time care and help with his deteriorating health, we absolutely hated the thought of him being in a care home, but the reality of the situation was me and nan couldn’t cope alone.

I remember visiting him at the home, he would always smile when he saw me, his little face would light up when I walked into the room, we would laugh and he would tell me the same story over and over again for the full visit.

Then one day I had to go in for a meeting with the care home and his social worker to discuss a care plan and his treatment, I remember walking into his room to see him before the meeting and he smiled, but it wasn’t his usual smile, he asked what my name was, I remember holding back the tears, we were warned this day would come and it had, he didn’t remember who I was. I smiled and said its lena silly, giving him a big kiss and cuddle, he looked so lost and confused and still looked at me like I was a stranger, when in reality he had raised me for the last 45 years.

After being in the home for only 7 months, he sadly passed away, this horrible disease had taken the main man in our lives, but in reality, I lost my beautiful grandad, that day when he didn’t recognise me, that was the day I lost him.

Sharing this story was so important to me, as not only was I caring for this beautiful man, but I was caring and supporting nan and looking after my beautiful family too. The whole situation was a huge strain on my marriage and my family life, but I would do it all again a million times over, as I got to care for him like he cared for me from the day I was born.

If you can please donate to this amazing charity, me and the doggies will do all the walking for you.

A huge Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Lena Doherty is fundraising for Dementia UK (justgiving.com)