Not So Secret Journal

Facebook has been described as a place for old people, a comment made by one of my kids obviously, but that comment got me thinking today. Facebook was once a cool place where all the cool kids hung out, before all of us dinosaurs ditched MySpace and came over to see what all the fuss was about. 

Now I don’t know about you, but I get pretty embarrassed about my Facebook posts from 15 years ago. It’s like we were two different people, we almost used it as a dear diary moment, but forgetting that people who you added could see the post. 

Did you notice that I refrained from saying friends then, as most of them at the beginning were the kids you knew at high school.  It was like a massive reunion at times, adding people you hated at school just so you could have a nose at what their lives were like now. Praying that the school sweethearts were still all loved up and married with kids (I went to an all-girls school, and this still happened), or that bitch from 5G caught a load of STD’s and got ugly (this actually happened)

Facebook gave you the ability to stalk that creepy ex boyfriend that none of your friends liked, but you thought you were the one to change him, (wow weren’t you a dumb ass).  But when you found him, his new profile was so wide open, (because no one understood the privacy settings back then) and also because he wanted everyone to see that nothing had changed, and he declared his undying love for a new relationship every month.

A typical Facebook post used to look like this 

Lena Doherty is………………… and we’d take that as a challenge to finish the sentence (dear god)

Then Facebook would challenge us and ask us how we were feeling, please don’t because some people actually thought Facebook cared.

Now we use Facebook as a place to keep memories, I actively delete those old Facebook posts where I was announcing my tea and declaring that I was going to sort my life out once and for all, (after I had another go on that farm game, we all used to play). 

I still haven’t sorted out my life, but thanks to a new social media platform (Instagram) I can now watch people organise their fridges or clean dirty rugs. 

Some people still use Facebook as a dear diary moment and I’m massively guilty of this. When my gramps passed away, I told people how much he meant to me, I share stories about my kid’s achievements and share things that are happening in my life which is how Facebook is supposed to be used right?

To celebrate those little wins, share family moments, have a rant about your ex being a twat and to embrace the sad times. I love that about my Facebook, especially as I now only have friends and close family on mine. 

But dear god some things still drive me insane, if I had a list it would look a bit like this. 

Those mums who literally have their kids names in their Facebook name like Suzy-mummy to Kian and Demi Lee -smith (stop please just stop)

Those people who add Princess to their title (please make them stop) I’m not being judgy here (maybe I am) but unless you grew up in a castle, you ain’t a princess love. 

People who still haven’t activated their spell check on their phone and I’m not talking people who genuinely don’t know how to spell a word, because before spell check I was ruined, I’m talking people who don’t check what they’re typing. I saw a post last week and it took me half an hour to work out what the fuck they were talking about. (Not even a lie, I sent it to my sister to help me understand it better)

I’m all for giving stuff away, but it’s those wanted posts from “anonymous” who had just moved into a flat with her three kids and needs furniture (absolutely), but then she starts listing the entire Ikea catalogue and dismisses actual help from people who have anything but the stuff she wants.

The posts about dog poo that then turns into world war 3 with the local football clubs, as it turns out Sandra is sick of her dogs picking up the blue tape and eating it on the field and Joe is sick of his kid sliding in dog shit that’s on his sons pitch. 

Parking wars, those posts of do you know who owns this car, because it’s been outside my pissing house for 2 weeks now (love it’s taxed and insured find something else to moan about)

Missing pets, mainly cats, now don’t get me wrong a pet is a pet, but cats are all feral and they do whatever the fuck they want to do. They’re like rogue teenagers, you give them a time to be home and the little bugger will pull an all-nighter with his mates. 

People complaining about anything, but they won’t actually go and tell the person that they’re complaining about them. For example, I saw a post about a school and how the parent wasn’t happy about something, then apparently the school got wind of the post and the parent got into trouble, then the said parent declared that they had snakes on their Facebook, when actually the whole world could see the post. 

Friend suggestions, now this is all Facebook, it suggests people you might want to be mates with, but then forgets you hate that person but suggests it anyway. 

Cryptic posts. My absolute bug bear. The one where someone tags themselves somewhere or states I’ve had enough I’m done, then refuses to spill tea in the comments and just comments I’ll DM you love when someone asks if they’re ok. Spill the fucking tea will you. I’m invested now and I’m not DM’ing you because I don’t like you. 

So, there you have it my hit list of things I hate on Facebook, to be honest I love it really, my friends are on there and people I love, I go on for the time-hop memories, I’ll search the groups for some gossip that I can then send to my mates, and I’ll share some of the proudest moments from my little people, plus it’s well better than MySpace. 

Catch you later x