Not So Secret Journal

So today I thought I’d entertain the idea of updating my LinkedIn profile and we all know how that went last time.

Anyway, I figured, what’s the worst that could happen?

I could get completely ghosted; what’s new there.

I could be laughed at by all the professionals, again nothing new.

Or I could actually be taken seriously and be snapped up to write words and actually get paid to do it.

Finding your feet on LinkedIn is like we time travelled back to 2008, picture the scene, a mum of 4 little people, who struggled to use MYSPACE, and is now trying to navigate Facebook.

LinkedIn is just a Facebook for educated people, there’s no room for little fish in there, oh and people can see when you’ve viewed their profile (rude)at least Facebook keeps your secrets.

So, what has little old me got to offer the big fish over on LinkedIn? This now meant I had to go and look over my CV to see if that could shed some light on my skills and experience, here’s what it said

An open-minded individual with a flexible approach to work, which enables accommodation of change. Able to work well with a group or on own initiative. Willing to take any responsibilities and assignments, regardless of the challenge. A self-reliant individual with the ability to pick up new ideas and concepts quickly. Enjoys learning new skills and methods of working. Takes pride in producing excellent work and can accept constructive criticism. Organised and can work under pressure in a busy environment.

I was obviously a very different person when that personal statement was written, because that’s totally not how it would sound as a 47 year old mother of 6 with 2 dogs and a grandparent to care for.  Let’s have a little rewrite.

An extremely exhausted individual, with a flexible approach to work, working around my commitments as a parent, carer and dog mum, subject to change on an hourly basis, but all commitments will be completed in a timely manner. Able to work alone or with a dog perched on my lap, but either way it will still get done, also I have to work alone as I can’t trust people to make my tea look like warm milk and no one can be trusted with my biscuits. Willing to undertake any assignment’s as long as there’s a please and thank you involved. A self-reliant individual, with the ability to read minds, and multitask. Enjoys learning new skills, but never question my method of working, as it works for me. Takes great pride in my work, but please don’t criticize me, that’s just mean and hurtful and I will tell someone on Facebook about it. Likes to think she’s organised, but hey that’s you judging again, I know when and where I should be and what needs doing at what time so don’t judge me. Lastly works best when left alone to just crack on with everything and can make a decent brew, but prefers to work from home, because I can’t offend anyone there.

Now that just sounds picture perfect don’t you think?

I mean, come on who wouldn’t employ me with that personal statement alone, I think this will definitely get me a job now.

What do you all think?  Catch you later