Not So Secret Journal

So tonight, I have been sorting out some files on my laptop and I came across some bits that I had written during COVID Times, it feels like a lifetime ago now, but that shit really did happened!

Hard to believe and I’m sure during a history lesson in 2055, the teachers will be teaching and the kids will be in total disbelief, not just that we were, as a country officially grounded, but grounded on 3 separate occasions, and we just went along with it for the safety of catching what we now call a common cold.

This post was written back in March 2020, so sit back and see what all the fuss was about.

So my sister sent me an image of a letter that had “supposedly” come from Bunny HQ, I have no way of checking the authenticity of this letter as Facebook “Fact checker” only checks things that come from the government, because as we all know that they sometimes, don’t always tell the truth, and someone is constantly shouting Boris your pants are on fire (and it’s not because he has so many kids).

The letter went as follows:

To whom it may concern

Now if this did come from Bunny HQ, we all know that these letters would be individually addressed, as the Big Fella knows who lives in which house, unlike the letter we all got from Uncle Boris this week, who apparently doesn’t know who lives in which house in the UK, shocking really, but there you go.

It has come to the attention that many children across the world are concerned about Easter this year.

Please know that we at Easter Bunny HQ, have been following the situation of COVID-19 carefully and are following the highest safety procedures necessary to ensure everyone has a safe and hoppy Easter.

Thankfully we have learned that the Easter Bunny cannot transfer the virus, and the WHO (World health organisation) has given the Easter bunny the go ahead with Easter drop off’s as normal.  The Easter Bunny has been tested as a precaution and is clear of the virus and any symptoms and will take all proper precautions to ensure that it cannot be passed from house to house along the usual drop off route.  As always, the Easter bunny promises to be diligent with food safety and paw washing and hopes you are doing the same.

Due to an increase in demand and some shortages we may have to make some substitutions for this year’s Easter treats, but we know that you are very understanding and are all doing you part to stay hoppy, healthy, and safe during this difficult time.

Hoppy Easter

So, I prepared my own reply to the Easter Bunny and hopefully he will get it in time for the big day on Sunday, (I emailed it to him so it should be fine)

Dear Easter Bunny,

Thank you so much for your lovely letter the other day, it would have been nicer if you had personally addressed it, like Father Christmas does, but I’m not going to get into that now, I’m certain your staff all know how to Mail Merge letters, or do they need to update their staff training?

Anyway, it’s reassuring to know that you have been following the COVID-19 situation, hopefully from the safety of a 2 meter self-distancing prospective, like the rest of us.  I am so glad you were also able to be tested, do you know how hard that is?

It is also very reassuring that you have been following the highest safety precautions, unlike the British government, who failed to follow their own safety rules of working 2 meters apart and working from home where ever possible, leading to Uncle Boris infecting his entire party including the Chief Medical Officer! Oooppsssie

Thankfully, the WHO (the world health organisation) not the band, have been on hand to give you proper advice, on paw washing and contactless deliveries, I hope Mrs B, has made sure you have the correct PPE equipment for your journey too, remember rubber gloves can cross contaminate, so wash your paws in between drop off’s. You may need to carry you official ID with you just in case you get stopped by the Police, as they’re operating in all area’s of the world, but as you are travelling for essential travel for work purposes, you should be fine, you are what is known as a Keyworker in the UK.

We appreciate that you many be experiencing an increase in demand and if you do suffer shortages, don’t be substituting the good eggs with the cheap stuff from Aldi, Asda have plenty and they’re all reduced at the minute, so if you hop into your local store at a suitable time, the restrictions on amounts you can buy have been lifted, so you can fill your boot’s and make sure every child has a Hoppy Easter. (because no one likes cheap chocolate).

Oh before I forget, elf on shelf didn’t make it and COVID-19 got him before mummy did, we were looking to Father Christmas to save the day, but he’s self-isolating due to his age and underlying medical conditions, you are now our only hope to bring some joy to a locked down world, please don’t let us down, remember stay safe, and no cheap chocolate.

All our love

Mothers of the world

I hope this has brought even the smallest smile to your chops and I hope that you are all safe and well and have been able to get a food delivery slot (because those buggers are hard to find).

Take care, loads of love x