Not So Secret Journal

If you have read my blog recently you will understand this post, if not then pop over and read the post “Who Even Am I” (I’ll try and link it in this post, if I can still remember how to).

Any way as a little summary, for those not in the know or can’t be arsed reading some 40 something mum’s rantings , then the post was about how Imposter Syndrome is an actual real thing.

So today, I’m sat looking at a blank word document trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life, my kids are growing up far too quickly for my liking, and soon I will have my contract reduced to part time and that comes with even less pay than it does now (can you get less than nothing, asking for a mate).

Anyway, I was going through some time hop memories and I relived a little skit letter that I wrote a few years back, one of the Karen’s on my Facebook took it seriously and I got a huge lecture on how the letter was so inappropriate, that I would never be employed by anyone, (it  was just a joke).

So I figured I would share an updated version with you guys and you could let me know if any of you would employ me solely on the basis of the letter, here goes.

Dear Future Employer,

I hope this email finds you well, (or not if you’re having a bad day), and you are not alarmed in anyway by receiving an email like this from a 47-year-old woman. (I’m 48 in March, but we don’t need to tell anyone)

Let me explain why I am sending this email today.  I have worked in various admin backgrounds for the last 31 years (I know I don’t look old enough) and this year I am hoping to start a new chapter in my life.

I’ve always been interested in marketing and PR, so this year I decided that I was going to grab those dreams by the balls (not literally, I would probably be arrested) and run with them (the dreams not the balls, again I don’t suit prison stripes).

I love the thought of bigging up businesses and helping companies to make a special name for themselves. You’re probably going to tell me it’s as boring as any other job out there, but seriously I’ve worked as an apprentice at a solicitors office and nothing is as boring as making an overpaid solicitor coffee all day. 

So, what I was looking for was some voluntary work experience, because apparently, I’m too old to get an apprenticeship (someone needs to tell Alan Sugar this, he’s always got a load of over educated idiots running around trying to be his apprentice). 

I’m happy to make any beverage of choice, (just not coffee, because I don’t discriminate), write words (which, I might add I’m pretty good at), do some admin, and see what the wonderful world of Marketing and PR has to offer all for free! 

What’s the catch, I hear you scream? Well technically, there is no catch, oh maybe there’s one! (it’s only little like me)

I’m a mum of 6 beautiful children (I don’t do ugly kids) and I need to balance any work experience around them preferably 9:30 until 2:30 as 2 of them aren’t quite old enough to open the front door by themselves yet, also I can only work 3 days a week, (I know I’m taking the piss now), but I care for my nanny too and she’s nearly 90, (I can tell you that because she would tell you too)

So, if you like the idea of some free (slave) labour and you fancy giving this mother a break, then call me! (or read the cv attached and see what you think)

Desperately Yours 

Lena

See, I am super employable, (well, I think I am,) but looking back now is it truly what I want?

I love writing that is my passion, some people say I’m actually quite good at it, (I still need to learn to take compliments) and I would love nothing more than being back in paid work, but would anyone want this dysfunctional, part timer on their books?

Writing I can do from home, being back in an office again would mean I would have to ditch the amazing leggings and t-shirt combination (which I wow the school run mums with daily), I would have to actually learn to communicate with adults again, at the minute the closet thing I get to an adult conversation is my nan and sister, and only one of them I see weekly, the school run voice notes don’t count, and I would have to brush my hair.

I don’t think I could put up with the office politics and if Stacey from HR is shagging Colin from accounts, although that would make a good blog post.

So, what do I want?  Reality, I want to write!

I want to write beautiful, funny, and sarcastic words with a tiny bit of swearing too, but who would actually employ me to do that?

Or do I dare I say it, start writing that book I’ve been promising myself I would do for the last 10 years.

I have been through all this before with my children’s stories, so much amazing feedback, but no gap in the market for my little fairies.

Help me decided, someone, anyone!

Love Ya, Lena x