Not So Secret Journal

Have you ever had one of those moments when you think, who even am i?

Well, I just had that exact moment whilst I was sat trying to make my LinkedIn profile look amazing and professional, or as professional as I can be sat on the sofa with my laptop perched on the top of my knees, two dog sat at my feet, whilst trying not to spill my cuppa, listening to my youngest son screaming down his headset at the kid from up the road, whilst playing an online game. (I’m sure if they take the headsets off and open a window, they could hear each other)

So who am I? 

Dealing with Imposter syndrome as a mum, wife and wanna be writer gets tough at times, I mean who am I even to call myself a writer.

 Yes, I’ve had experience writing stuff for an online magazine, but that was years ago, and I’ve had two more kids since then, plus the editor and chief decided to fold the magazine/blog and never told anyone, so we couldn’t add our bits to a portfolio.  I’ve had what I would call a pretty successful blog back when I only had 3 kids, but again the company that was hosting the blog folded and I found out that 5 years’ worth of work wasn’t backed up! I think someone was trying to tell me something.

Life wise, I have lots of life experiences, being a mum is my main job, being a wife another main job, being my Nan’s carer, that’s I suppose is what you would call three main job’s (don’t be telling the tax man I don’t get paid for any of these “main” jobs and he will still probably try and get me to fill out a self-assessment form), then there’s being a friend, that comes with a shit load of up’s and downs.

I have written 3 children’s books, which have been looked over by editors and I’ve had some amazing feedback but all have gone unpublished.

From the age of 16, I have worked in numerous offices, I have travelled to Australia and I did a stint in Iceland (the shop not the country), but I’ve never really found that one thing that made getting up on a cold, wet and miserable January morning worthwhile (job wise, not the kids).

So I’m sat looking at the screen that’s screaming at me to add my Education, Career, Skills…… I don’t think washing faces, nagging people to brush their teeth and advising on why 3 loads of laundry daily keep’s me in the professional loop!

But what am I good at, obviously organising is one of my strong points, juggling 7 people in one house is an amazing organisational achievement. Then there’s the life admin, keeping on top of appointments, sorting calendars, and making sure everyone knows where they’re meant to be and at what time is an achievement in itself. Then there’s the chauffeuring, with some chef ‘ing some chamber maid duties, counsellor, bouncer, dog walker, receptionist, and there’s probably something else, but perimenopause has come to play so brain fog stops play at times.

I am very professional at walking into a room and not remembering what I actually needed from that room, but I am getting very good at walking out of the said room, starting a new task and then remembering what I need from the said room from the previous task.

I suppose the question is what do I want to do?

Well, I love writing, that’s a passion, and a hobby, I love a good old social media argument, I can waste a good few hour’s watching and picking a side, but then Karen who started it will delete the thread, I don’t think they realised how much I was invested in that argument.

I love organising and a good old spreadsheet, and I love a bit of admin too, but most of all I love people (not all people, but most).

The ideal job would be to write, whilst making people laugh (they probably already do at my writing), but homebased as I still have to juggle my home life and little Nanna.

I think the truth of the matter is that, I just want to work, I want to show my kids that their mum isn’t just the house nag, she is good at something else, but in reality does that job that I have in my head even exist?

Who knows, hope you enjoyed my ramblings

Until next time, love ya x